Disturbing thoughts

Jump to Comments

I need new clothes. I’ve been wearing the same clothes for about a year now. I’ve been turning up at get-togethers and parties in the same skinny jeans, same sneakers (come to think of it, I think I’m wearing them in the image header), and I just alternate wearing 5 shirts or something, if even that. While everyone else has looked fabulous, I’ve been pretty much, no not a wallflower, but a shrub…and not even a decorative one at that. Yeah that’s about right. I got a haircut last week just to clean up a little bit and I even started wearing eyeliner (no, not in that emo way, but in that more normal and ordinary way) but I just look as unkempt as ever. I would be mirthless-laugh hopeless if I didn’t have such an easy sense of humor. Hah! I laugh in the face of adversity! Chris 1 – Life 0. On a more somber note, one must remember that no one ever gets out of life alive. So don’t take life so seriously. I think Bugs Bunny said that. Random bit of trivia there.

Anyway, the skinny jeans must be replaced. I don’t know where I can buy a nice new pair though. The waistband is a bit elastic and it’s so worn now that it’s beginning to bacon. I stopped unbuttoning and unzipping them about half a year ago cos there isn’t a need to do so anymore. I would giggle if I didn’t have to be the one to wear them. And while we’re on the subject, why don’t we talk about my hips? Jeans and hip width concerns are always bloody related. I’ve been having irksome observations about them lately. I’m beginning to wonder if they’ve gotten wider because of the overstretched waistband, that they sag a bit, so maybe they only give the appearance of being wide or whether they are, in fact, just plain wider. I don’t think I gained a lot of weight either, I look the same from the waist up. It’s just the hips that are noticeably larger. Why didn’t I notice this before? Sneaky bastard, that Life. 1 – 1. My hips must be trying to tell me they’re ready to have a baby. Well I’m not! Traitors. In any case, I am in grave need of a new pair.

And then there are those telling little moments that convince me that maybe I am ready for a baby…or rather my body is, it’s just a matter of time before my mind catches up. So a few months back some lady my family knows brought her baby to our house, he was a wee little one back then. Well he still is very little now but at least he looks more like a person. Back then he was just a puddle of soft blotchy flesh. Oddly enough, he also resembled a little balding politician. We call him Pauly. Anyway, so here’s my mom and sister fawning all over little Pauly boy and I approach and without a thought, start joining in. So I’m doing this for a few more seconds when I’m nearly struck down in terror. I stop mid-coo, jerk back and remain standing where I am, frozen. I was completely paralyzed in fear. What is this, I think to myself. I’ve always prided myself on being unaffected by cute little babies. It always annoyed me the way some people turn into gibberish-speaking googly creatures around babies. It still does I think…making me a hypocrite. Coo coo! So I quickly regain my composure and give myself a little mental shake. I give the baby a courtesy pat on the head then turn to run and hide in my room.

So I’m laying in my bed, breathing hard and asking myself what just happened. Oh dear, my maternal instinct has awakened.

It’s the end of an era. Now, whenever he’s around, I’m almost certainly late for work.

4 Comments

Filed under Humor, To ponder