Afterthought

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I’m in the middle of an internal crisis and at the moment I’m trying to sort myself out. Binging on beer last night was probably not a wise idea but it did bring many alcohol-induced insights to my attention, some of which I believe should not be ignored. Then when I reached certain resolutions, I promptly passed out. I’m piecing hazy fragments together now, to retrieve some of what may be instrumental in making sense of this current madness.

Two days ago, I decided to turn down a job that I felt would derail me off my newly chosen career path. It was a tough decision to make as it was a childhood dream job, one I’d kept in my heart of hearts and vowed to attain in my adulthood. Now, years in process and I am still transitioning into it (it always takes me a while to come round, but inevitably I do). Earlier this year, I cemented my plans, rallied determination, bottled fears and in all eagerness, started setting about them. Made impressive (to myself) headway, clearly defining the emergence of a new self and binding me in the desire to be someone I think I want to be, the pressure of which is probably causing my temporary spin out. I am at odds with my old self.

In retrospect, I think perhaps I was too ambitious.

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